The things I have learned over eight years of marriage
Let me start by saying, it was our anniversary this week.
But… we both forgot until today!
While I am working on catching up on our celebrations, I wanted to share more about us and our real life for these past years.
We first got married eight years ago in my parents living room. The smallest but most meaningful party with karaoke, tables in the street and video calls.
(We planned a bigger wedding for later, which is a whole lots of crazy!)
We got married then but had to wait nine months to finally be together in the same country, to finally give it a shot and to start our someday.
We had been dreaming of our someday for years, when we didn’t have to schedule the days we got to be together, or think of planes, luggage and goodbye letters.We are two imperfect people that fell in love and decided, after many years of not being able to let it go, to go all in.
I have learned a few things after eight years of marriage, plus two more of dating and half of my life of knowing Adam, here are my favorite ones.
I’ve learned that marriage takes a whole lot of acceptance and humble moments. Because we are there for each other, we need to accept each other.
By accepting my partner, I am accepting all the good things, and all the not so good aspects as well. We accept different opinions, different hobbies (oh, so different!) and different personalities.
By accepting my partner, I am also accepting me, my needs and faults, my good and my awesome *ejem*.
Here is my encouragement: Yes, marriage is tons of work, but, it’s easier if you keep that friendship above all.
Having a long distance relationship (even when we weren’t dating) meant that we for so many years we were sharing bits and pieces of our lives. Even when we had “blanks” in our story we were always checking in. A paragraph or two and always our little updates: Family, struggles, job and even what music we liked.
Our love and friendship grew in the small details and in how we truly just cared for each other, even when we didn’t know if we were ever going to be together.
Above boyfriend/girlfriend, exes, fiance’s, husband and wife, we have kept our friendship and our genuine care.
I believe I’m only a good human because for so long, he was the person I could look up to, and dream to be better with.
Lift each other
Our first three or four years were hard. I was still feeling nostalgia after moving , I was still adjusting to every other new aspect, besides the obvious adjustment of living together.
Anxiety and depression have made me stumble a couple of times and I have lost count of the times Adam has lifted me from imaginary holes and I hope I have lifted him from one or two.
When we lost jobs, we were there for each other (panicking, of course) . When interview after interview, we question everything, we lift each other.
Sometimes this requires taking turns. No one is positive all the time, while sometimes you can be the debbie downer, sometimes you have to be the positive one.
Do the Work
For us, getting married meant, we could FINALLY be together. For us, getting married meant also, we have to figure out how to be together as well.
Adjusting to living with each other, and from the fantasy before marriage to the everyday marriage is NOT easy. We had to work on our communication, and our expectations.
We had to work on allowing each other space, which sounded ridiculous after trying to be physically in the same country for years.
When we finally adjusted our lives, somehow our world spun wildly again after our son was born. And we had to do the work. All over again.
The great thing is that the work follows you, and you get better at it.
Treasure your story
Are you curious on our long story? ! It all started 18 years ago.
I share our story almost every anniversary, just because I love it. We talk about it sometimes when we go out. We LOOOVE to tell our story to strangers.
We like to pull out pictures and emails and go over them together (me specially) . Yes, this was a long, long time ago but our love stories and our beginning are all about this, you guys, -cheesy or not- to remember .
We love to live and remember times when our biggest worry was to be together.
Do the Small work too!
Small details like remembering and buying their favorite cookie sometimes weigh more than remembering the big dates and anniversaries.
Everything counts in the everyday life. Love the everyday! The things that we do that show we care for each other, the things that make our days better and our overall lives easier.
Do you remember your favorite little things? Try to remember hers/his and randomly make them happen.
Give in to Love notes: Adam is so good at this!
We made it, but are still making it ! We are working on it and intentionally loving each other every day that goes by. Even when we pass by somedays like we do, our life in shifts, and our date nights are with a deck of cards in our own yard.
Do you have any good lessons you can share with us? It doesn’t matter how long you have been married (or if you are !) This is us, today: